"YoYo Adrian" Dieting and Calories

I have met a lot of people in my life that seem to always be on some sort of no carb, no sugar, no fat, high protein, or no whatever diet. I laugh because these people are almost always overweight. I just want to be like yeah so how's that diet working for you tubby? I can say that because I am tubby. You cannot lose weight if you cut out one part of your diet and just replace the calories with something else. On top of that if you cut fat or carbs or whatever and go right back to your old eating habits the weight is going to come right back. Seriously its so annoying when I hear about someones new diet. Its like so what you are going to lose 5 lbs in two weeks by cutting out all sweets and then just start eating them even more after to make up for the "diet" because you are now somehow entitled to it since you ate good for two weeks. Well wake up dude you need to make up for years of eating like a pig. Two weeks wont do crap for you. Good luck with that.

I am guilty of this somewhat and we all have done something like this. Some are way more guilty than others and to me its comical. I have gained and lost weight a couple times. I usually keep it off for well over a year and then I stop working out, that's my downfall. If anything always be active. That will keep the weight off and your body in a good calorie burning state. Plus when you are active your body really does crave healthier options. For those fat people scoffing at these statements please re-read and realize you are guilty of 99% of the things said above. Try working out more than once a year and you will see what I am talking about. And if you are that person walking on the treadmill at 2.8 mph for 15 mins and calls it quits, like I said try working out.

Diets only work if you keep eating what the diet tells you to. If you revert back to old ways it comes back.  Its like a drug addict stop using for two weeks and being like I am not an addict anymore. I stopped using for two weeks. Well drug addict you are now using drugs again. Yeah but I stopped for two weeks. Sound ridiculous? That's because it is, just like people's expectations of yoyo diets.

Losing weight is all about calories. There are 3500 calories in a pound. You cut out 500 calories a day for 7 days you lose one pound. Doesn't matter what you eat. It can be all cake and ice cream. As long as you cut 3500 calories you will lose a pound. If you don't cut those out you will lose nothing. Obviously some factors can play into effect. If you are overweight you should most definitely lose more because your body requires more calories to keep you in your plumpier state. Anyone that tells you otherwise is lying. So if you are that fat person that is like I don't know why I am not losing weight I am not eating that bad and I workout. Well guess what either you are counting working out as you making an entire pizza for yourself or you don't have any clue about how many calories you consume. Do you really not know that? I am fat and I know why I am fat, you are fatter how can you not know that?

The best diet is in fact not a diet but what everyone is calling a lifestyle change. Its okay to splurge sometimes on cake and pizza but if you are doing that a few times a week and then complaining you aren't losing weight then I will tell you why you aren't losing the weight...ITS THE CAKE AND PIZZA!! PS WORKING OUT IS GOOD TOO!! You are probably that person I hear at McDonald's (yes the Champ eats McDonalds and no it hasn't given me cancer yet) being like I went to the gym three times last week, gained two pounds and I am sore all the time its just not worth it. Really? Working out is supposed to make you sore moron. That's how you know you actually pushed yourself. Get used to it if you ever want to lose weight and look good in the mirror and not some poor me figurative depressed person mirror, but the literal mirror. And honey that Bigmac and double cheeseburger is what's making the back of your arms look like a cows utter, its not your "thyroid." Which is what I heard her self diagnose the weight for. People are in fact dumb and in most instances too lazy to do something about their weight. The Champ says don't be lazy get up and start burning those calories and stop dieting, make a lifestyle change.

The Champ Jr

Happy Birthday to Champ Jr. He just turned two the other day. They are never too young to start working out. And yes that is my hot wife. Don't be jealous. Remember even when you are small you can be a champ just like my little boy. And if you're fat you can have a hot wife. However I met mine when I was skinny. So lets rephrase that. And if you're fat be sure to marry your wife when you're skinny and then let yourself go. This way you know that she really loves you...wait?...anyways, below is my facebook post text. 

Well its official I own a two year old. Happy birthday kolby aka mini kobe. For his bday I introduced him to his new workout regime. It used to just be shooting drills. We have added weightlifting and cardio this year. Next year olympic lifts

Motivational Quotes...for fat people

Why are there all these motivational/inspirational quotes directed at fat people? Like I get it, I need to lose a few pounds. I have a doctor that can tell me these things. It doesn't mean I am depressed it means I like food more than you or that I don' have a metabolism of a 15 year old. Maybe you are the depressed one twig. I am sick of the dialogue that  fat people don't love themselves or they would be skinny. Or fat people are depressed because they are fat. What does that even mean? So skinny people are happy? That's weird because last time I checked there were plenty of skinny depressed people.

If you talked to my wife she would tell you I am a very confident person, probably too confident. One quote I read said something like, you have to learn to love the inside if you want to love yourself enough to change the outside. What the? Does that mean a skinny girl that gets "enhancements" doesn't love herself or that when I shave my back and trim my nose hair I don't love myself. Well pretty sure I shaved my back when I was skinny and when I was fat. I wanted to see my muscles. Now that I am fat I just do it because I don't like the hair. I don't want long hair poking out my nose either. That's nasty, same reason why a girl should wax or bleach her mustache. It's just not appealing. Shouldn't the quotes just say you should love yourself no matter what? It doesn't need to be directed at fat people. Don't pick on fat people we get bullied enough.

The Champ doesn't do weight loss quotes, he just loses weight. If you want to be a champ you don't need some skinny sissy saying made up crap that in reality is just mocking you with his "motivational quotes." Just lose the weight, its unhealthy. My weight loss saying is just that. We don't need a quote that tells us to love ourselves or creates the premonition that we don't. Love yourself no matter what and if you don't learn to. One day I will give you the Champ's way to love yourself.

The Champs Diet History

So I was born really skinny. I grew up skinny. I was 105 lbs in 6th grade. Growing up I heard I was going to be tall and skinny. I should sue my Dr's for giving me false hope. I ate what I wanted when I wanted and never gained a pound. I got made fun of. People told me I was going to blow away in the wind. I hated being skinny. I would pray to God every night that I would gain weight. My metabolism was so fast I should have just ate on the toilet. Funny how things work out. I gained the weight eventually and now my prayers are to lose weight.

After highschool I started to grow more horizontal than vertical but was still very fit. Having said all this I didnt really get big until about 23 years old. Up to then I was a solid 175 lbs usually. I ballooned to 215 and was not working out so I was really fat. Anyways this started my dieting phase. What actually happened is I saw a picture of myself and honestly didn't know it was me for about 5 seconds. I was like dang that kid is a freaking fatty. Then I was like oh my gosh that is me, what happened. Anyways below are the results of my "yoyo" dieting since that day.

*KETOSIS- You are going to need to know what this means below. Ketosis is when your body goes into a state where it only burns fat for calories and no muscle. Only way to get there is with steroids or limiting your carb intake for a few days and keeping it there. You need to stay below 50 grams of carbs a day for 3-5 days to achieve this.

Atkins-
Diet Profile- No carbs (basically meats and cheese)
Cost- Grocery bill was about the same

Results- Atkins works until you eat carbs again. I lost weight at a decent rate but the second I started to eat carbs again it came all back. I loved that you could eat all kinds of fatty foods. I never felt more unhealthy during this time. I had weird headaches and had no energy. I would get weepy and cry while watching Hallmark commercials. Oh wait I did that before nevermind. I am becoming a big proponent of listening to your body. On Atkins my body was telling me to eat carbs. I didn't lose muscle mass so that was good. This diet implements the idea of ketosis.

HCG-
Diet Profile- Two load days where you eat as much as you can the more calories the better. 500 calories a day for at least 19 days. Very restrictive. Chicken, apple, tea, shrimp and a cup of spinach each day. There are a few more options. I ate about 800 calories a day and still had great results.
Cost-Shots cost about $150 dollars for 25 days. Can get drops which weren't as effective for $30. I was definitely hungrier on the drops.

Results- This diet worked great and why shouldn't it. I was eating the calories of a male "skinny" jeans model. I started at about 184 and got down to 167 lbs a total of 17 lbs. It was noticeable too. Nice weight loss for 120 days except I did it in 18. This was starvation and I hated life. I lost muscle and fat.

They say the HCG doesnt allow muscle to be used as fuel for the body. Bull crap, tell that to my biceps that ended up looking like a starved models legs. I exercised on this as well. I fainted getting out of a pool trying to walk to a hot tub. My fiance and now wife wasn't sure what was going on. If I went up stairs I had to take a break every ten steps or so. I felt like a grandpa and was very irritable. I wanted to punch any person with food. I don't recommend this to anyone. The only plus of this was that I kept the weight off for a very long time (1.5 years). My brother lost 30 lbs in 40 days and has kept 25 of it off for over two years.

I heard they extract HCG from pig urine as well. I don't know if that's true but still just thinking about that makes me sick especially since I did the oral drops as well as the shots. Yes that's correct the most effective way to take HCG is shots in your thighs and stomach. I felt like Lance Armstrong shooting myself up everyday. Though they don't say it this diet will put you into a state of ketosis and that's why you lose the weight quickly.

Abs Diet-
Diet Profile- Low Carbs high protein. 6 small meals a day. Circuit training workouts. Book with recipes.
Cost- Book cost $20 dollars and the food for meals wasn't more than I was spending before.

Results- Lost about 25 lbs in about 6 months. Great diet tips and great recipes. Loved the circuit training tips as well. Kept weight off for 4 years. This is good because you have cheat days as well. This is good for anyone trying to make more of a lifestyle change and not a quick fix like so many diets are. I gained muscle mass and lost fat. This is the diet I used when I looked like a whale at 215 lbs and got down just below 190 lbs. I still use a lot of the principles of this "lifestyle change" to this day.

Juicing-
Diet Profile- Juice, juice and more juice. Not a lot to explain.
Cost- Expensive. I was spending almost $10 dollars a day on fruit and vegetables.

Results- I never juiced 3 meals a day but did about two. I was starving and had to go #1 all the time. If I ate any fast food or something fattening I had to go #2...more like #3 if you know what I mean. I was once golfing while juicing and had eaten something unhealthy. Let's just say if the bathroom on hole 4 wasn't open then some poor rabbits home would be "inoccupado" for forever and the foursome behind us would have had to wait while my friends gathered a lot of leaves for me.

Intuitive Eating-
Diet Profile- Listening to your body and as girly as it sounds...feelings.
Cost- Not sure my mom gave me the book. Yeah she tried to be casual about it but you know when your own mom gives you a book like this you must have some serious weight issues. Probably $20 dollars.

Results- This is not a diet but the book reads like a diet book. This focuses more on emotions. I liked the book and it has some really good tips. Biggest thing learned from it and that is actually working is thinking about how you feel or will feel after you eat something. I didn't think that would ever happen. Example- one night I was at a friends house. Usually I eat everything in front of me. Instead of eating it all I asked myself how I was going to feel after I did. I ended up not eating half of my baked potato and instead of forcing down the entire dessert I ate half of it. I felt guilty about eating too much but I also felt good. Had I eaten everything I would have felt really bad. It didn't take a lot of time getting to that point of recognizing your feelings and the book definitely makes you think.

The Champs Gym Tips

So there a lot of people that are maybe scared of going to the gym because its new or they aren't sure what to expect. From time to time I will address some of these things as they happen to me. I am a gym expert. I have been a member at a gym since I was 14. In total I have worked out at a total of 9 different gyms.

WASH YOUR HANDS I come into the gym one day. As I walk in I hear a guy going to the bathroom. It was hard not to. I am pretty sure from the sounds of it he either had some really bad gas station sushi or he got one of those sketchy hot dogs we see at the gas station that you know has been put out again and again 18 hours a day for at least a week. Anyways it was bad news is all I can say. I took of my sweater, sipped some protein etc. I then went to blow my nose and I started washing my hands. I then see the guy leave the stall and start walking to leave the bathroom. I was like hey shouldn't you wash your hands. He looked at me and was like no. I told him that was disgusting and he still kept walking. Thank goodness when I came out he was on an eliptical, something I never use. Still nasty. Everytime I meet or talk to someone at the gym and that guy is there I am sure to point at him very candidly so he can see me and I can tell the story. 

The Champs Gym Tips

So there a lot of people that are maybe scared of going to the gym because its new or they aren't sure what to expect. From time to time I will address some of these things as they happen to me. I am a gym expert. I have been a member at a gym since I was 14. In total I have worked out at a total of 9 different gyms.

INSIDE VOICES- I know this happens at every gym. There is that one person that drives you crazy. They are loud and obnoxious and are just begging for the attention they never got either because they were a middle child, their husband left them and they dont know why but everyone else does, or they just weren't hugged enough as a kid. Well my gym's version of this is tatooed head to toe and likes to yell at the top of her lungs while talking to her two friends. This is not okay. One day very soon I will be approaching as I do my two year old and say excuse me I know you aren't a toddler but I am going to have to treat you like one because you're acting like one. Can you use your inside voice?